Q: Hi Natalie! I'd really love if you could give me some advice on a situation I'm in (this is SO long, I'm sorry). Basically, my best guy friend has a girlfriend, who treats him so badly. I really, really like him. He's been with this girl for almost 2 years. He knows how badly she treats him, and we were talking about it today over text and he said he's just going to ‘take it and keep going'. I just think it's ridiculous that he puts up with it. She lives about 3 hours away, though she is supposed to be moving in with him and his parents soon. (For some context, he is 19, I'm 17).
A: Hey there!
What makes this good news for you, is that it's obvious he has feelings for you. I think you can feel that the chemistry/tension between the two of you is pretty strong. If anything, I can assure you that he's on the fence about being with her. It seems like he's with her more over obligation due to the fact that she will be moving in with him than he is with her due to how good their relationship is. How he acted with you in the car really makes me think he knows it won't last. He just feels like he should be with her. Sometimes it's easier to let something fall apart then to make the decision to force it apart in first place, isn't it? That's most likely the position he's in at the moment.
I admire you for being able to be so supportive for all the time they've been together. What's wonderful is that you two haven't done anything to really complicate things or to make the situation too sticky to get out of (ie cheating, etc)
I think all you can do now is be there for him and maintain the friendship that you two do have. Once she moves in it'll be much more prevalent to him that he has to make a choice. Just think; if she moves in with him and they're spending all of their time together, he's WAY more likely to call it quits.
Distance has this strange way of keeping relationships (even tricky ones like theirs) together, only because it seems distance leaves room for the mind to ease up on things and make things much less of an immediate issue. I doubt that once they're under the same roof, he'll be able to just "take it" that easily.
Just please don't be his "second choice." If he's on the fence between staying with her or being with you; I'd be really cautious. You don't want him breaking up with her so he can be with you (trust me, I've been in this very situation and it doesn't end well - there's far too many complications that go along with it. Things end how they begin. It's a vicious ) You deserve more than that! But, if he leaves her simply because he doesn't feel that way about her anymore and he's fed up... then you're in good shape. Still though, I'd wait it out before you two make more out of your relationship. For obvious reasons, it's good to give him some time to breathe and think for himself again (get out of that controlling girlfriend crap!) and wait for him to be ready for a relationship. For you to be his first choice.
Anyone would be able to tell that he has feelings for you. And I can tell you he definitely deserves a great, patient girl like you! Chances are, if he's already thought of giving up on her, he has. You can't un-think a thought, right?
Best of luck! Hang in there, be there for him and watch from a distance. It'll play out... and hopefully in your favour! <3
We've been really close for about a year now, though we've been friends for more than 2 years. We work together, and every time we say hello or goodbye he always hugs me. If I ever leave without hugging him goodbye he will text me saying 'where was my hug?!' or something like that. He will always find an excuse to touch me.
Now, this is where it gets more complicated. One night a few weeks ago, we were driving around town (he lied to his girlfriend about where he was because she would kill him), and we ended up laying in his car in the middle of nowhere. Basically, we’re laying there with his hand on my ass up my dress, talking about things I certainly wouldn’t be happy knowing if I were his girlfriend – to put it that way. It would have gone further (not anything too far – he’s not like that), but I stopped him because I knew he would regret it. He’s such a good guy and he would never cheat on her, I think her crap just got too much for him. He apologized so much after, he felt so bad. I told him that I understand, because he wants to be with her. And he said yes. Then he asked me if I was ok, I lied.
It wasn’t until the last few days that I ever told him how I really feel about her, how badly she treats him. That’s when he said he’s just going to ‘take it’. Up until now I’d always pretend to be happy about him being with her, I was trying to be supportive. But he texted me saying he was having a bad day and I eventually got to the fact that it was because of her – that’s when I admitted that if I were him I wouldn’t be with her.
I’m sorry for how long this is thank you so much if you’re still reading. Basically, when she does move here we won’t talk other than at work because she won’t let him. I really, really care about him, and I’m sick of her treating him badly. I have always liked him, it’s always been him. I like him so much it hurts. I just don’t know what to do; I’d love your opinion?